The Suitess

I was just married and many evenings my husband and I will flip on the television and watch our various programs. We of course have varying opinions and there is always that debate that is usually solved through the use of the DVR (I swear that machine keeps many an argument at bay). Obviously there have been many re-runs on lately and whenever there is something with the word "new" at the beginning of the description we are all about it. Thus our discovery of two similar themed shows. Both programs feature women attempting to "have it all". Well at least according to what the general concept is of "all". Now, as a woman with a career of her own and a woman in the newlywed category I can definitely relate to the whole balancing act of career, family, friends...... in other words the grand trifecta for an adult woman. However, as I sit watching these woman with their struggles running around impeccably dressed with hair-do's that only can be accomplished by waking up at 5 am and heading straight to the salon, I begin to wonder is it really all worth it? In my own day to day I too experience the forever male counterpart in the office still using words like sweetie, honey, dear....... oh and my all time favorite kid-o to address me. I too have experienced the line "Well I'm sure you'll be starting a family soon" as if the possibility of me going on maternity leave at some unforseen point in my career would be a true unfortanate irritance for my employer. But, wait a minute! Could it be that the reason they call me these endearing names or worry about me being out for 3 months or possibly even leaving is their caveman way of saying 'Hey we find you to be an integral part of our team and we enjoy your personality and having you around and since we are men and don't know how to say that directly to you we are attempting to let you now by calling you by a nickname and being sad with the thought of you being out of our office for a significant period of time'............ naahhhh that couldn't be it at all. Please don't misunderstand me I am a true believer that sexual harrasment does exist in the workplace and it has no place there whatsoever and those that partake in that behaviour are the scum of the earth. I also experience the good 'ol boys club basically every day in my line of work and sometimes I truly contemplate becoming a cross dresser just to further my career. I sometimes wonder though what is it that I am working so hard to prove? I am perfectly content where I am in my career, I make my own schedule and I earn enough money........ so what is it that makes me discontent? I look at my corporate structure and don't feel any strong urge to move up that ladder, I don't really want to choose a new career after all of the time I've put into this one. Could it be that I almost feel guilty about lacking that ambition that I see the women on television posess and yeild almost as if it is a weapon? I think that being a working woman creates much more pressure then it does for a man. I know that there are strong wonderful women that have worked so hard to allow me to have the opportunities I have. I know that women in history have been pursecuted, looked down upon, and in general detested for creating the path that I am now able to stroll upon. I feel that if I do not achieve the highest position available to me, if I do not insist and take offense to the inarticulate macho dialect that permiates my business then I am letting them down. IF, God forbid, I truly do find satisfaction in cooking a meal all day for my husband to enjoy, then I am doing a injustice to all women everywhere. Men do not feel like this. A man who recieves paternity leave does not feel guilty if he does not hold his child for every second of that leave. A man does not think about the other men that fought to get him that right and he must hold it sacred and take advantage of it in order to honor of them. So why do I feel that if I do not reach for the upper eschelan of corporate managment, if I do not insist on having a nanny for my children when I decide to have them, if I do not wear my suit skirt proudly and prance around in my latest Marc Jacobs that I purchased with my own hard earned money I somehow am not achieving the grand trifecta of womanhood. Somehow I feel as if the sufregettes would shake their head at me and would be apalled by the fact that at 5:30pm my work phone goes promptly off, my e-mail is not checked, my suit skirt is back on the hanger, shoes kicked off and there I am barefoot, apron on, in the kitchen preparing dinner. I guess the main difference is I choose to be there and do not feel that if I don't I am somehow a bad wife. Oh and of course my husband does all the dishes when I'm done.