Relieved Path

He got up and walked out this morning. Just as I knew he would someday. You can just tell when they're the leaving type. It wasn't some big fight, or hurtful saying it was just that exact instant when you know it's truly done. When you finally understand that you are just not that interesting anymore. He's figured out what makes you tick and he just didn't like the answer to that question so on he goes. Oh but don't mourn, cry, or even "feel" for me. I could see the ending at the beginning. I read the first and last page of this book before I dove in. I knew that there was truly no water in this pool. It's kind of nice though, knowing that your intuition was correct that I am still the only person I can truly trust. Although if I had been wrong then what does that mean, that this was it, you know "it", that I would have to put my trust and my heart into his hands? That would have been a whole new path, one that I am not familiar with, one which I would have to blindly follow. A path that has no ending, well except for the ending. But, I'm not on that path, I'm on the one where he's found the next puzzle to unravel, and that constant need to unravel, to figure out and then place in a frame upon his hall of fame, so that he won't forget the memories ,is where he I am. Forever frozen as that picture perfect person that fit so elegently. I don't even look like her anymore, I barely even remember how she felt in that photograph. Oh right sorry forgot, I don't need to remember since I won't be going back there, not even to retrieve what was left behind. The worst part is that I feel relieved, I feel as if I have shrugged off a burden that was too heavy and too dark for me to handle. It is finally done and I am strangely okay with it. Is it because I know the drill so well that I have become numb, is it because I never really felt that deep to begin with? Amazing how down in the depths of my heart I have always known that answer, how in the very pit of me I knew, no matter how many times I attempted to steer, the path was already laid before us, the tracks were too deep, and our determination too shallow. You see you can tell when they're the leaving type, he always stands out in the crowd.

Weird

Vomit, seriously did I just end that with vomit................... Okay "ouch" now this guy is holding my hair to tight as I seriously vomit. Oh how did I end up in this predicament, how in the world did the greatest most romantic night of my life end up with him holding my hair, my oh so cute dress in shambles on the bathroom floor, and are you kidding me right now, I know that I am not staring at the unattached heel of my brand new Jimmy Choo shoes, are you frICKIN KIDD..... okay there goes another martini, please God let me stop puking, for five seconds so I can at least tell this story correctly.

Leaving

He got up and walked out this morning. Just as I knew he would someday. You can just tell when they're the leaving type. It wasn't some big fight, or hurtful saying it was just that exact instant when you know it's truly done. When you finally understand that you are just not that interesting anymore. He's figured out what makes you tick and he just didn't like the answer to that question so on he goes. Oh but don't mourn, cry, or even "feel" for me. I could see the ending at the beginning. I read the first and last page of this book before I dove in. I knew that there was truly no water in this pool. It's kind of nice though, knowing that your intuition was correct that I am still the only person I can truly trust. Although if I had been wrong then what does that mean, that this was it, you know "it", that I would have to put my trust and my heart into his hands? That would have been a whole new path, one that I am not familiar with, one which I would have to blindly follow.................................... vomit.

Will you be my superglue?
My wonder man
My tru-la-lu

This hearts been shattered
It's beyond repair
It feels as if I don't matter
Do you even care

Do you know how to be my superglue?
To paste back together,
what you didn't do

Can you fight for something that you don't understand
Can you make it right, just by holding my hand?
Will it eat you up
Will it destroy you too
Will it break us up,
split us in two?

Please be my superglue
My wonder man
My tru-la-lu
Don't let me drown
in this solitude.